A blog about God, singleness, music, church and missions from the perspective of a thirtysomething Texas gal. Liberal doses of sarcasm and pragmatism used.
Of wishes, cares, trust and karma
It has been one weirdly miraculous day. I can’t stick today in a box and it doesn’t fit neatly into any logical compartment. It just….IS. And that sometimes is a good description of God. And life.
This morning I woke up and read Matthew 6 in the Message translation and was really struck by this passage:
”25-26“If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
27-29“Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
30-33”If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works.
I bolded the parts that really hit me. “Careless in the care of God.” That was my prayer this morning. Free and unfettered by worries, identity, time, to-do lists… just free to bask in God’s care. That my cares are His cares.
And then, I don’t know why, but it also struck me that God cares about my appearance. And not just in a “I’m the temple of the Holy Spirit, I better look/eat/act right.” kinda legalism. No, I was actually touched that he sees and cares about my appearance. When I worry about my body image or have the daily thought “Don’t eat that or you are never going to get married.”, it upsets Him. He cares about how I look. I don’t know why that was a revelation, but it was. I felt like He was saying “Quit worrying sooo much about dieting, and working out. Let me care for you, feed you, make you beautiful. Quit trying to do it all yourself. Let ME work.”
It was a tender and beautiful way to interpret a scripture that I think I’ve read many a time and just ended up feeling guilty that I don’t trust God more and worry less.
I then got out of bed, had a stupendous cup of french press coffee, chatted with my roomie and went to work out with my bestie, Bonnie. On the way I played worship music, and got crunk in the Holy Ghost on the drive over. After workout, Bonnie gave me my mail and I saw an envelope from my old healthcare insurance provider from 6 yrs back. I thought it was strange and immediately thought “I wonder if it’s a check.” It sure was- I opened it and read the amount. Then I read it again. Then I examined the check to make sure it was real. Then I read the amount again. Then I screamed. Then I called Bonnie.
“Um, I just got a check in returned premium for almost $1,000 from my old health insurance company!!!”
I was not expecting a check from them. I still have no clue why they are returning premium to me, as there was no explanation. The check was reissued, meaning the first check they sent to my old address was returned. I have no clue how they got my new address (the forwarding ended 3 yrs ago). Honestly, having worked for insurance companies, I must say this is a bonafide miracle. Things like this don’t happen.
Just last night I was budgeting and making plans for the next 4 months. I have a camping trip I want to go on, a trip to NY to see my old friend Brooke in Dec, a trip back to Belize in November and potentially a trip to the beach in October with my siblings. That’s a lot of traveling… and I just made up my mind that I needed to give plasma and save a couple hundred a month towards these trips. Even considering going on these trips is a huge step of faith, because I just moved to Dallas and doubled the amount I pay in rent each month. I’m self-sufficient and getting fairly good at planning ahead and budgeting, so I just made up my mind that I was going to do what it took to make these travel plans happen. I didn’t pray. I didn’t ask God for extra money or extra students. I sent out emails to people who have contacted me about lessons in the last 6 months and made up my mind to donate plasma this week.
But just like that, God decides to answer my whims and wishes. Just like that. A check for a thousand bucks from a crooked insurance company? It’s an ironic miracle and I’m laughing at God’s sense of humor right now.
Wait, the day isn’t over. That was just this morning. I get two emails in the afternoon - two new students confirmed.
Then tonight on my way home from teaching 6 lessons in a row, I got an email from a lady who registered on my website and said she loved my webpage and my teaching philosophy and had 5 little girls who wanted to take lessons, could I set something up?
In less than 24 hrs from making some concrete plans and setting my course, God decides to answer the unasked prayers. God hears the desires of my heart and responds as only He can. My heart is grateful and thankful for His provision and care for me.
As I processed the day with my roommate, I confessed that almost every week for the past year, I have marveled how perfect and joyful and abundant He has made my life, and that I start to expect that something bad is going to happen. As if I am not allowed happiness or that I expect bad to follow good in order for me to be allowed to experience good things from a good God. It’s really messed up. I don’t subscribe to any karmic views, but its as if I did, because expecting something bad to happen because enjoying the life God has given me? That is really silly and faithless on my part.
I don’t have all the answers. I can’t explain why some people are in lack, and I’m not. I can’t give a reason for God’s goodness to me, other than He is GOOD and I’m not. He cares, even when I try to do it all myself. He gives, even when I don’t ask for anything. And it’s not because of who I am. It’s because of who He is.
-
malediction posted this
