Love Life?

That is such a weird phrase. I was listening to an Ingrid Michaelson song where that phrase was repeated and I though, “How limiting and sometimes false the term “love life” is in defining the dating life of singles.”

I mean, I didn’t have much of a love life til I got married and honestly, it was anything but lovely or love-filled prior to my husband. I went on a handful of dates and had one (cheating) boyfriend before marriage, and a few friendlationships that were heavy on friend and light on lationship. That doesn’t spell LOVE in the least. If you called it lonely life, dating-losers life, more-like-lust life, disappointment life, etc I’d be on board. The term love life demeans the word love in the worst way. It confines the idea of love to romance only and leaves us feeling unloved when our love life is less than.

And love is so much more than dinner and a movie, making out, getting serious, engagement and marriage. So much more! It’s the coo of a baby, the giggle of a toddler, the look of infatuation a mother gives her child, self-sacrifice and giving of yourself, the care shown to the friend dying of cancer, the silent sitting in grief with the family of the deceased, the action taken to end injustice, and the compassion and listening ear you give to that friend whose “love life” just ended.

I want my entire existence to encompass “love life”. I want to live a life of love towards not only my husband, but everyone I come in contact with.



Differences: Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without them.

I hauled the groceries up the stairs to our apartment with the help of a massive oversize carabiner. Kinda like this:

image

My husband has them and suggested I use them for hauling in groceries. I’m one of those people that will carry 7 bags on each arm just so I don’t have to go back to the car. The carabiner helps me haul 10. Brilliant.

I walked past my little DIY/Pinterest project. My husband is NOT a fan of the burlap, floral explosion wreaths that grace many a front door. So I decided to compromise with this beaut:

image

The only problem - it wobbled and slid and the flowers stuck out so far they would try to assault the face of any person who graced the threshold of our abode. Who needs guard dogs when you have flowers, right? My husband went to Home Depot yesterday and got 3 strong magnets and secured the sweet umbrella to the door. Ingenious. As I walked through the door with a bajillion bags and no flower slaps, I  wanted to tweet “I am so infatuated with my husband.”
 I decided instead to be slightly less obnoxious and write this blog.

You see, my tendency is to float along, annoyed by small things but not thinking much of them. My husband’s brain will concoct a solution without being asked. He has an engineers mind and is splendid at discovering how things work.

I named two instances where this has benefited me personally and made me swell with pride over my husband. I have not mentioned where this has caused us to disagree. Where there are differences between 2 people, there is inevitable conflict. The other person doesn’t process life like us. We expect something to be done a certain way, a way that would never occur to the other person. My husband can be annoyed by my scattered, impulsive lifestyle. I can be annoyed by his scheduled and ordered way of doing things. While it’s easy to get aggravated, there are also tremendous ways in which this blesses each of us. Marrying someone who thinks just like you and does things just like you may be the ultimate form of idolatry of self. You think so highly of yourself that you’d rather have a carbon copy of yourself as a companion than someone who will challenge that.

I will fully admit that I sought out men who were more similar to me. I was overly attached to my ways and processes. Marrying Chris has been wonderful, because it doesn’t allow me to live in stagnation. I can see life and do things differently and learn and grow because the person right beside me will constantly remind me that we are not alike. And that is a gift.


I Don’t Want to Be In The Same Room With You…Please Hold Me

I was telling me husband tonight that he’s literally my favorite person to hang out with. Most people start bugging me in some way around the 4 hour mark. We’ve been around each other almost non-stop since we got married on 11/24/14. Five months of bliss. He’s been looking for a job here in Dallas, and last week he got one. Yay!! But NO! No more non-stop hubby time. He’s put in almost 60 hrs this week and guys…it’s been torture. I’m an independent, self-sufficient woman, but kissing my husband goodbye each morning and not seeing him til late evening leaves me feeling bereft. On the bright side, getting up early has enabled me to be so productive and wifey (clean room, clean bathroom, clean kitchen, do laundry. Repeat. SHINY!).

I expressed to him this internal dichotomy going on. Loving the mornings and the niceness of alone time. Hating the mornings without him around. Loving the productivity and ability to focus on projects. Hating that I have to do things without him. Loving the domesticity of making him breakfast and lunch every morning. Hating that it means I won’t get to eat my meals with him.

The same internal war is also very evident inside of me when we have a fight. Our fights go like this:

Disagreement, ensuing conversation, my eventually getting angry while my husband stays calm and asks leading questions in order to come to a resolution. I then get frustrated by his calmness compared to my lack of calm. My rational side is completely blown away by the fact that the man I married is far better at attempting to keep communication lines open in order to work things out. My irrational side is like, “WTF?! Why are you so chill? Get away from me!” And I want to get away. I leave the room. I’ve even thrown myself ON THE BED in the guest room. I thought only chicks in movies did that. Not okay!! But then the moment I throw my little tantrum and storm out, is the same exact moment I want him to hold me and tell me it’s going to be okay. I will externally push him away, while internally wanting him close. As I put it “I don’t want to be in the same room with you…Please hold me.”

I find this more baffling and irritating than my husband being calm while I’m in a snit. This is the female dichotomy, the one that has men shaking their heads (and women too!). I don’t understand MYSELF in these moments. I wish I could figure out why I feel two opposite emotions all at the same time. I’ve always prided myself on thinking I somehow dodged the bullet when it came to psycho female behavior. Now I think I realize, it isn’t necessarily “female behavior” but human behavior. We are not cut and dry, black and white robotic beings that experience life through a single emotion or lens. And that makes us beautiful. And awful. And mysterious. And infuriating. But nonetheless…so very human.

I will say that I am grateful for the ability to dissect these internal conflicts and that my husband is so eager to know me and hear about these dichotomies. The talking it out helps me understand myself, while allowing me to reveal my humanity to my husband…in all its opposite glory.


iwillnotgooutfree:

This morning, I caught Josiah singing to the boy in the mirror. To see the world through a child’s eyes! We are usually to busy praising or criticising who we see in the mirror to befriend that person.

that’ll preach



Stuff I Love: March Edition

My husband. I get to live with my best friend, confidant, biggest supporter, accountability partner, and a man that is both honest and kind. He makes me want to be more like Jesus. He also let’s me be me, while encouraging me to be more (that’s always hard to do). He just got a job, and even though I’m so proud of him and excited for him, I’m going to miss him. A lot. Like $%&@ (four letter word) a lot. I’ve enjoyed our lazy mornings together, making breakfast, laying in bed, going for bike rides, running errands together. I can’t imagine him waking up before me and coming home after me or being gone the majority of the weekend. I know. This is real life. This is what normalcy is. Jobs that we go to. Being away from each other. It’s been a fun 5 months, and I’m so grateful to God for giving us this time and providing for us on one income so we could enjoy each other. What a blessing

- Biking. Cycling. Mountain Biking. Trail riding. You name it - if it involves a bike, it is my new addiction. I got my first NICE bike for my birthday. The last one I bought was a huffy cruiser from craigslist that was cuter than an toddler, but heavier than your momma. I got a seexxaayyy Trek 3700 Disc that rides like a dream and I’ve been on a couple trails with it. LOVE.

- Having people over. I’ve been a hermit in terms of hosting in the last year and since it’s something both my husband and I love to do, it’s been such a blast having people over. We had brinner recently followed by worship afterwards - such a beautiful time.

- Sunshine. Spring. Green. Blossoms. New life. Ahhhh! Winter has been too long.

- Invisalign. while it may get annoying to wear sometimes, my teeth are getting straighter every day.



Don’t make God a priority in your life. Just make Him your life.
Dave Barringer (via peterdwebb)

(via holyhotnessbypvi)


lifehackable:

More Life Hacks Here

Pretty sure I’ve had sinusitis recently. Ugh

lifehackable:

More Life Hacks Here

Pretty sure I’ve had sinusitis recently. Ugh